People often come to me feeling controlled by partners in adult relationships. And the biggest cause is jealousy.
The feelings of jealousy often arise in early family emotional patterns.
Consequently, if we don’t uncover such feelings and beliefs, this can lead to many break ups in marriages and loving relationships of any type or sexual orientation.
If a sister is jealous of a brother, because he gets more love from a mother or father, or both, then this unconscious emotional pattern by the grown woman, can be taken into adult intimate relationships.
We can project angry jealous feelings to a partner that comes from anger at a father or mother. Sometimes we may often attract a person like our father or mother, by what we believe unconsciously. Who wants to marry their father or mother?
If two sisters are jealous of each other, because one sister gets more love from father, the other sister from mother, as in my family. I found this jealousy can last a lifetime between my two sisters. And lead to ongoing conflict that arises even in court.
Sometimes I hear from one partner. “I can’t go anywhere without him or her knowing what I am doing! I can’t go off without him/her to my friends. He expects me to do everything with him.”
This type of negative co-dependant controlling behaviour can at its extreme lead to abuse. And if you have children this can lead to all types of jealousy between children in such a negative family climate.
Jealous feelings/beliefs need to be explored by us all before entering into any long term relationship.
Examine carefully your own jealous triggers and emotional patterns that you had early in childhood with a partner. This can help you dissolve many obstacles in the future.
Do read the chapter ‘Learn to Handle Jealousy’ in Sondra Rays book ‘Loving Relationships.’ It could save you a lot of pain in monogamous or open relationships. Or for that matter even in work or the feelings you have in your friendships. Please contact me through my website.
My love roger